(Note to reader: Unlike some on campus, and particularly our friends in the LBGTQWRSYZ community, we know our own identity -- and are not afraid to proclaim it. So read on.)
This paper -- the Minuteman -- is not an agent, affiliate, proxy, subset, subgroup, or subchapter of the UMass Republican Club. We are a wholesome, friendly, Limbaugh-tested and Hannity-approved publication of the hottest little number in town, the just-revived RSO known as the Silent Majority. But, in case you haven't figured this out yet, silent we indeed will not be. On the contrary, we will successfully strive to be and undoubtedly once again become the leftist-ball-busting, conservative-spouting, intellectually-dynamic, news-breaking, controversy-baking, voracious little vixen, that, upon seeing a leftist on campus or off doing something unethical or illegal, immediately goes about the task of telling you how, why, where, and when the Mao-worshiping jerk went askew. But we will also cover with equal parts piss, passion and vigor everything that we can get our grubby little right-wing typewriters on. And that means we will spare no one the ridicule-heavy and intellectually overwhelming might that so accurately describes a Minuteman all-out assault, even if the unlucky recipient of the attack happens to call the Republican Club home. And, accordingly, our trademark genuine conservative mentality may even compel us to target them.
We are now, always have been, and forever will be the sole publication of the Silent Majority, the lesser known but proudly more vocally conservative RSO at UMass Amherst. We've been absent for a while but now are back -- and ever-so-ready to combat the brainwash-happy totalitarians of political terror -- and political correctness -- otherwise known as UMass campus liberals. Such liberals can be found lurking sneakily around virtually all parts of campus -- from the hippie with no shoes "fixing" your bike in the Bicycle Coop to the "outraged" America-blaming man-hating feminist in your legal studies seminar. You know her, miserable Marge, always so eager and ready to denounce men and tick off one by one all the ways in which men and their "patriarchal society" have kept her down. To all those like-minded liberals, and their allies at the Collegian, we unapologetically say: kiss our Reagan-quoting, America-loving, patriotic-big-round-oppressive-conservative ass.
But what's more is that these liberal slimes are no match for the insidious breed of Marxists found in the Student Government Association. Empowered by the [infinitesimally] small political "mandate" of their fellow students, the select few left-wingers who hold power over and control the purse strings of RSOs are the primary -- and unlucky -- target of this, and, rest assured, many future editions of the Minuteman. And systematically take these jokers on we will: In just this edition you will find us shedding new light and inserting a compelling new voice into the miserably one-sided coverage of the "Justice" for Jason fiasco. Furthermore, you will witness us have a little (tasteful) fun with the public-domain Facebook profiles pictures of none other than J4J lead organizer -- and Minuteman favorite -- Dan "Prom Queen" Keefe.
But I digress, for the point of this piece is to celebrate who we are and the fact that we have so forcefully and energetically returned, while reminding you, our beloved and liberal-repelling reader, that, while the UMass Republican Club may possess similar ideological inclinations as us, we are not them and they, unfortunately for them, are not us. And don't you forget it, either.
Consequently, while we unfortunately, can't return to you the student fee money that the SGA arrogantly wasted on hate-crime crying, tolerance-mandating propaganda and nonsense, we can -- and indeed will -- be right there to hold them to account when they do so. So, remember, we aren't the Republican Club and we sure as hell aren't the Collegian; are journalistic balls are bigger and our prospects to make campus liberals squirm and scream in frustration are a little brighter. Therefore, for all of the foregoing, and all of the following, we humbly urge you to give us a look every now and then and see what we are up to. And until you read our next monthly edition, sit confidently knowing that the lumber-swinging bigmouth of conservatism is back in action at UMass-Amherst, and, with the sail of so many time-tested and history-affirmed facts and arguments at our wings, our long-time hallmarks of passion, trenchant reporting, wit, humor, and a show-stopping sense of dramatic writing and flair for the theatrical, and, of course, your steady and devoted readership, we are convinced that we will do just fine, and be here to stay. God help you, liberals, you have our sympathy, and if history is any indication, you will need it.
Until next time,
Brad DeFlumeri, Managing Editor
Brad can be reached at
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