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Written by Greg Collins
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Saturday, 21 February 2009 23:39 |
8:00 – Wakes up to alarm clock playing Barack Obama's "The Audacity of Hope" book on tape
8:01 – Puts on blue shirt, blue pants, blue underwear, blue tie, blue socks, and blue undershirt
8:02 – Pats Che Guevara bobblehead on head for good luck
8:30 – Catches up on the news of the day by opening Open-Minded New York Times op-ed page
8:35 – Catches up on news of the day by reading the Huffington Post
8:40 – Catches up on news of the day by reading Los Angeles Times
8:45 – Catches up on news of the day by reading the Daily Kos
8:50 – Catches up on news of the day by reading Open-Minded New York Times op-ed page again, patting himself on the back for his open-minded op-ed about how Bush should be tried for war crimes, crimes against humanity, and crimes against blacks, Jews, and homosexuals
9:00 – Enters Open-Minded New York Times op-ed office
9:01 – Glances at Barack Obama poster on left and smiles
9:02 – Glances at John Kerry poster on right and smiles
9:03 – Glances at Joe Lieberman poster and throws dart at poster
9:15 – Attends Open-Minded New York Times editorial board meeting
9:17 – Leads two minutes of vigorous debate about the merits of Barack Obama and demerits of John McCain; Open-Minded New York Times editorial board subsequently decides to endorse Barack Obama for president.
9:18 – Starts writing open-minded editorial in support of Obama
15:18 – Stops writing first draft of open-minded editorial in support of Barack Obama after 60 pages.
15:19 – Receives call from media watchdog reporter claiming Open-Minded New York Times is closed-minded.
15:20 – Lashes out against outrageous accusation by throwing arms up in the air
15:21 – 100 "Republicans Are Racist" buttons fall out of his pants pocket
15:22 – Questioned by media watchdog reporter about Open-Minded New York Times' support for affirmative action
15:23 – Claims he has four black friends and one Asian friend
15:24 – Questioned by media watchdog reporter about Open-Minded New York Times' support for teachers' unions
15:25 – Tells reporter he needs to end interview because he needs to pick up his children from private school
15:26 – Begins to write another open-minded editorial on the state of the economy
15:27 – Consults Das Kapital, the Communist Manifesto, and any work by Noam Chomsky
17:27 – Mesmerized by Karl Marx's literary and intellectual genius, finishes reading Das Kapital without finishing open-minded editorial on state of the economy
17:28 – Overhears Frank Rich reciting the French National Anthem at his desk
17:29 – Overhears Bob Herbert reciting the Soviet National Anthem at his desk
17:30 – Starts reciting French National Anthem at desk
17:31 – Leads all Open-Minded New York Times editors in a stirring rendition of Soviet National Anthem in Open-Minded New York Times editorial board office
17:36 – Leads Open-Minded New York Times editors in a stirring recitation of Reverend Wright's "God Damn America" panegyric
17:40 – Leads discussion of Open-Minded New York Times editors' book club selection of the week, "The Audacity of Hope"
17:42 – Hears complaint from intern that this is the 54th consecutive week, "The Audacity of Hope" is being discussed
17:43 – Fires intern
21:00 – Gets in bed
21:01 – Turns toward alarm clock next to bed
21:02 – Sets alarm clock to chapter four of "The Audacity of Hope"
21:03 – All hell breaks loose
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Last Updated on Sunday, 22 February 2009 01:14 |
